Advice from psychologists to make it easier to cope with the death of your beloved cat and come to terms with it

All shades of emotional experiences during loss

After a pet dies, the owner first experiences shock. It seems that this is not true, that in a few minutes the funny pet will jump out of its hiding place and beg for a treat, but this, alas, will not happen. Gradually the realization comes that the pet is no longer there. A person experiences a wide range of feelings: from awareness of his guilt to gradual acceptance.

Often a cat becomes a person’s best friend, and it can be difficult to cope with its loss.

Note! Children experience the death of a cat very acutely. Psychologists advise preparing them in advance for the fact that the pet’s lifespan is not unlimited.

Many owners experience genuine suffering because the cat has become a member of the family and has accompanied them for a long time.

Symptoms of bereavement

In addition to all the familiar reactions, such as tears and sadness, there are other manifestations of grief, which, if not known, can be mistaken for lack of concentration, eccentricity, and other qualities. Among the main manifestations of grief are the following:

Physiological. Physiological symptoms of acute negative experiences include a painful feeling of tightness in the chest area, a feeling of emptiness in the abdomen, spasms in the throat and the feeling of a lump stuck in it;
A lump in the throat is an eternal companion of acute emotional experiences
Behavioral. A person experiencing grief often seems inconsistent and inattentive. His gaze can be described as absent, absent-minded. The inability to concentrate on business often irritates household members or colleagues, which leads to painful conflicts. Other manifestations include insomnia, which further increases absent-mindedness;
Cognitive. A grieving person may encounter unusual holes in his memory, confused thoughts that do not want to take on concrete shape. Difficulty focusing and concentrating is common. The person seems to be “not here”;
Absent-mindedness always affects performance, which leads to additional conflicts
Emotional. The feeling of loneliness that accompanies people who have experienced loss is accompanied by a heightened awareness of their own helplessness, causeless anxiety and all-encompassing guilt, to which the person indulges.

How to Prepare for Your Cat to Die Soon

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The average lifespan of cats is from 10 to 15 years, although there are cases of longevity up to 28-30 years. The fact that the pet will soon go to another world is indicated by its behavior. The cat tries to retire, sits under the sofa or under the closet, eats very little food. His gaze becomes dull, his fur loses its silkiness. If the veterinarian said that everything is fine with the pet’s health, but age is making itself felt, then you should prepare for the worst.

In addition, the death of the animal is inevitable in the following cases:

serious illness with a poor prognosis;
a pet receiving a life-threatening injury when a decision has to be made about euthanasia.

You need to prepare for the fact that the cat will die, say goodbye to it. There is no universal method, but those who understand that their pet has very little time left are a little luckier than those who suddenly lose their pet. They can say goodbye to him. Cats feel the love of their owner, so it is very important for them to understand that they were loved until their last breath. This is why the owner is required to be nearby at all times.

Loss of activity and poor appetite are signs that your cat may soon die.

The death of a cat is my fault - I feel guilty before the dead cat: what to do, how to live?

Very often, people realize how important a cat was to them only after losing it. And this feature is inherent not only after the loss of an animal, but also after the departure of a loved one.

Love is also ephemeral, it cannot be held in chains, and only when it leaves along with those who loved us do we begin to suffocate from the lack of love. And sometimes it doesn’t matter whether a cat or a person loved us. After the death of the creatures we love, it can be very painful. If a feeling of guilt is added to grief, then it becomes simply an unbearable burden.

I feel guilty about the deceased cat, what to do, how to live - such thoughts are typical for people with a heightened sense of responsibility for pets.

Such self-flagellation will not bring the pet back, but will block the way for the person to be able to have a pet again. Perhaps you are exaggerating your guilt somewhat? And you need to think about the fact that new happiness will come to your home with a new cat? Just wait a little, time will pass, the pain will dull, and you will again be able to give affection to your new pet.

When the pain of loss goes away

When considering how to survive the death of a cat, there are several stages that each owner must go through. First of all, this is denial; the owner does not fully realize that the pet has left him forever. Next comes anger, a sense of guilt, and an understanding that life is unfair. It is at this time that the pain is most severe; you don’t have to be ashamed of your tears.

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Many owners, experiencing loss, begin to hope for a miracle. Deep down they believe that the pet will return to them. The next stage is acceptance. Right now the owner realizes that the pet is gone from his life forever. Gradually the pain disappears, leaving behind positive memories of how much fun it was to spend time with the cat.

Note! Sometimes, looking through photographs of a pet, the owner will experience light sadness.

How to cope with the death of a pet?

Despite all the care and love, cats die. It doesn't matter whether it comes from illness, an accident or old age. The person is in equal pain. He begins to blame himself for not showing enough attention and care, for not treating correctly, for not following up, and for allowing the tragedy to happen. Sometimes the longing for an animal is so strong that all daily activities are abandoned and sleep disappears.

It seems that your favorite cat is meowing and walking around the house. In this case, a person needs psychological help and support from loved ones. Unfortunately, not everyone perceives the death of a cat as a tragedy. Sometimes those around him do not understand how much the bereaved owner needs consolation, and do not give him the opportunity to speak out.

But it is dangerous to keep such painful thoughts to yourself. You definitely need to talk to someone who has experienced such grief or consult a psychologist.

How to cope with the pain of loss

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While studying how to cope with the death of a cat, psychologists have developed several tips to help cope with the loss. First of all, a person may cry; this is a natural reaction to loss. Crying will actually make you feel better; it will help your emotions spill out, which reduces stress.

It is very important not to blame yourself for the inevitable happening. If the owner took good care of his pet, fed him well and followed the veterinarian’s recommendations, then he is not to blame for the death, nature will take everyone in any case, this is the law of life. But it also happens that the owner, noticing the cat’s discomfort, decided that it would “go away on its own” or postponed the visit to the clinic until tomorrow, and the pet died because of this. Getting rid of the oppressive feeling of guilt is more difficult, but it is important to realize that everyone can make mistakes. There is no need to judge yourself too harshly.

Tears are a completely natural human reaction to a loss.

Important! In order to experience the death of a pet less painfully, it is better to first remove its bed, toys, bowls, tray - everything that will inevitably remind you of the deceased animal.

There is no need to constantly look at photographs of your pet; it is important to give yourself time to come to terms with the loss. You can share your grief with friends or loved ones, especially those who also had pets.

If nothing helps, don’t be shy to turn to a psychologist for help.

Should I get another pet after the previous one dies?

Most psychologists give an unequivocal answer to this question: “Yes.” However, only you can make the decision.

Sometimes it is useful to take on a new pet immediately after the death of the previous one to fill the void. As a rule, this decision turns out to be correct if the previous pet died of old age, his departure was not sudden, and you are psychologically ready to open your heart and the doors of your home to a new friend.

Photo source: https://www.scmp.com

But sometimes we need time to process a loss. If you can't live without animals, go to a shelter or help dog rescue teams.

Spending time with other animals will not only honor your departed friend, but will also help other animals and help you know when you are ready to adopt a new pet.

Photo source: https://www.winnipeghumanesociety.ca

How to get rid of guilt after going to sleep

Often, owners have to make a difficult decision about euthanasia, for example, if an animal is terminally ill, prolonging its life means exposing it to physical suffering and pain. It is much more humane to euthanize a terminally ill cat than to watch him suffer every day.

It is necessary to understand that the decision to euthanasia is not a desire to get rid of a pet, but an attempt to provide him with salvation from suffering. That is why you should not blame yourself; the owner cannot revive or heal the cat, but he has the right to make a difficult decision on his own.

Note! If the feeling of guilt does not subside, you can go to church and pray.

Sometimes euthanasia is the only way an owner can help his pet; he needs to take on this burden.

How to decide to euthanize

Many people say: “I understand that he is suffering and no one can help him, but I cannot make such a decision.” To take this difficult step and not blame yourself later, prepare yourself and your loved ones in advance:

talk to the veterinarian, he will tell you about the euthanasia procedure and help you make a decision;
put yourself in the place of the animal, try to feel the pain and suffering and understand that you had to put it to sleep so that it would not die long and painfully;
accept the fact that death is inevitable, and the best thing you can do for your hopelessly ill pet is to alleviate his suffering and help him die without pain;
say goodbye to your pet, please him with his favorite treat or toy; think about where and how you will spend the last hours so that the animal passes away peacefully and calmly;
If you euthanize an animal, you should not tell your children what exactly the cat or dog died from. They are not yet ready to understand this and may hate you.

The death of a beloved cat or dog is a tragedy. But you have no choice but to survive it. Remember the joy that a pet brought to your home and move on with a feeling of gratitude for all the positive emotions, love and devotion.

How to explain to a child

The most difficult moment that parents have to face is telling their child that their beloved cat has died. Psychologists note that pets are the easiest way to introduce children to death. It is necessary to have a conversation with the child in advance, tell him about the soul, that the path on earth for each of us will end. Any cat, even a beloved one, will one day leave its owner to move to cat “heaven”, where he will live a new happy life and watch his little owner.

Children who have undergone such preliminary training perceive the departure of a pet less painfully and come to terms with it more quickly, because they are sure that where it is now, it is good for it. If you do not have such a conversation, then the loss of a cat can become a severe psychological trauma for the child.

Note! Some owners are afraid to admit that the cat has died; they tell the child that he was taken, for example, to the village to see his grandmother. This should not be done, because sooner or later the truth will become known, and the parents will receive a reputation as a deceiver.

Why is it so difficult to cope with the death of a pet?

For owners, a four-legged friend is not just a dog or just a cat. This is the family member who brings joy, love and positivity to life. Caring for a pet makes a person more disciplined and active, helps him cope with troubles more easily, and sometimes even gives meaning to his existence.

Each person reacts to the death of a pet differently. The degree of distress depends on various factors, such as the age and character of the person, the age of the animal, and the circumstances of its death. Naturally, the more significant his pet was to the owner, the more pain he experiences. So, if a visually impaired person has lost a guide dog or a lonely person has lost their beloved cat, they also suffer from a loss of independence and emotional support. In the case when the owner is unable to provide expensive treatment to prolong the life of the pet, or decides to euthanasia, a deep sense of guilt is added to the experience of loss.

Help from professionals

When considering how to come to terms with the death of a cat, this option should not be dismissed. Very often, the death of a pet is such a strong stress for a person that he cannot cope with it on his own, and internalized stress is the main cause of depression. That is why you should not be embarrassed to ask for professional help, especially since such a reason for seeking help would not surprise a modern psychologist.

Experts will help you understand that a person is not responsible for the care of a pet, that he should let it go and move on with his life, especially since there are many positive moments in life. If the cat had to die painfully, then the owner experiences extreme stress. However, it is worth understanding that now the animal is no longer suffering, it has gone into another dimension.

Note! Parents need to pay attention to the psychological state of the child. If he has become withdrawn, uncommunicative, and strives to avoid communication with adults, then perhaps he suffers from remorse. In this case, professional help will help solve the problem.

If a person cannot cope on his own, there is nothing wrong with seeking professional help.

How to let go of a dead cat, how to deal with depression after the death of a cat, how to calm down?

If you don’t know how to let go of a dead cat, and thoughts about it haunt you, it’s best to consult your friends on this topic . Your friends probably have similar experience, and often it gives much more valuable advice than the experience of psychologists who can judge such a problem only from a medical point of view.

Crying to a friend and telling him about your problem can be very useful because by voicing your sad thoughts, you direct yourself to a constructive solution to the problem. If you don’t have such a friend, you can chat with people who have encountered a similar problem on a forum for cat lovers.

The main thing is not to get hung up on this, and the question of how to deal with depression after the death of a cat, how to calm down, will no longer worry you.

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Is it worth getting a new pet?

Everyone makes this decision for themselves. Many cat lovers cannot see their life without a large number of affectionate purring cats that sit on all the sofas and armchairs at home. For others, a particular pet was a person. They don't want to have another one.

In any case, it is important to understand that a new cat will never replace the old one, so you should not call it by the same name. To do so will only open up the wounds in your heart.

Important! You need to be prepared for the fact that the new cat will be completely different from the previous pet, will have a completely different temperament and even appearance.

Families with children need to approach this issue especially carefully, since the child may literally hate the kitten, subconsciously deciding that it is he who is to blame for the death of the previous pet.

Should I see a psychologist?

There are situations when a person cannot survive the death of his beloved cat. This often happens if he has lived with a cat most of his life. Children also experience this loss very hard.

It also sometimes happens that a person is lonely and has no one to talk to. In such situations, a session or several sessions with a psychologist will help.

A psychologist will help you avoid becoming depressed, ease your emotional state and help you cope with the loss.

In some cases, several sessions are required.

Is it worth getting a new pet after the death of a cat?

Your friends may suggest getting a kitten or puppy to distract you after your cat's death. But it is better to do this after you have already come to terms with the death of the cat.

If you get a cat when the pain of loss has not yet passed, then he may irritate you with his behavior . The fact is that you are already accustomed to the behavior of your pet, but the kitten will have completely different behavior. Constant comparison will only remind you of the loss. Perhaps the kitten will never settle down and you will have to give it away.

If you think this will help you, then try to approach it responsibly. Think a few times about whether you are simply trying to avoid the problem and hide your feelings related to the death of your cat. In this case, a new animal is not a solution to the problem.

Advice from psychologists and priests

According to Orthodox Christianity, all people go to hell or heaven. This does not apply to animals; religious dogmas do not recognize the presence of souls in them. However, priests do not forbid the possibility of using this concept to explain to a child that their pet has gone to a better world. The following recommendations from priests are highlighted:

You shouldn’t blame yourself, everything is in God’s hands, including the lifespan of people and animals;
resignation and acceptance of the inevitable is the best thing a bereaved person can do.

Psychologists are sure that the best way to get rid of guilt and bitterness of loss is to start helping those who need it. For example, get a job as a volunteer in nurseries for homeless animals. By providing help to those cats and dogs that really need it, a person will be able to feel needed, feel the gratitude of animals, which will dull the bitterness and regrets a little.

Experts advise not to rush into getting a new pet; it is important to say goodbye to the one that died. Only after accepting the inevitable can you open your heart to another cat.

When do you need help from a psychologist?

Not only children, but also adults may need a specialist. For some people, the thought of going to a therapist is immediately repellent due to the negative associations that are, unfortunately, very common these days. The madhouse, the pills, the orderlies have nothing to do with psychotherapists who help people in difficult life situations.

People often neglect the help of a psychologist due to various prejudices

You can understand that you need the help of a psychologist if a person has the following conditions:

You are haunted by thoughts of death or suicide;
You may not be able to return to your normal lifestyle after losing your pet for a long time;
You are unable to find new meaning in life and consider your life completely useless and unnecessary;
Your behavior is difficult to control and predict. You periodically experience emotional breakdowns, bouts of laughter and crying;
You have difficulty sleeping, suffer from insomnia;
You can't control your weight.

It is important to timely track the state of mind with which you feel uncomfortable living.

What does the church think about this?

First, a story about what the church thinks about this. The priests believe that it is not worthwhile to kill too much for a pet. And you need to read prayers for yourself, and not for the dead cat, and ask for peace and common sense for yourself. Lighting candles and commemorating things is also not included in Orthodox traditions.

According to the church, a person’s soul is united with the Holy Spirit at baptism, therefore for baptized believers there is hope of being reborn for “another life.” Cats and other pets have a soul, but its nature is different, different from humans. Orthodoxy does not allow cats into heaven (in fact, there is no evidence that there are no cats there). The priest's advice is to come to terms with death, no one is eternal.

Magicians, healers and similar charlatans, hiding behind the general definition of “psychic,” can appeal to forces known to them and show grieving people their pets, talk about how bad it is for them in the afterlife, etc. All this is the usual extortion of money by advanced manipulators with knowledge of the weaknesses and psychology of human nature. Such people will not tell you exactly where the cat’s soul goes; rather, they will offer to give her some money for food.

In case you had to euthanize a cat due to health reasons or age

No need to beat yourself up here! The action is correct; in case of age, it is worth considering that the animal lived a long, happy and interesting life with its owner and his care, attention, and affection. And how many cats go hungry, freeze, and get sick on the streets every day? In this case, there should be no feeling of guilt towards the cat. In a situation with a fatal disease and euthanasia, everyone is at risk, even people ask for euthanasia in order to end their earthly suffering. Therefore, the owner, in memory of all the joyful moments of life with the pet, must perform an act of humanism; if the cat could speak, maybe she would have spoken about her desires.

The advice of a psychologist will come in handy if a person is completely devastated from the inside, is in a state of deep stress, does not know how to live further, flooding the furnace with tears or alcohol:

Do something useful to society. It is necessary to help with personal participation, and not with a facilitated transfer of funds. You can volunteer both in shelters for children and in homes for the disabled and veterans. If you have the strength, help homeless animals.
Remove out of sight all objects that remind you of grief: photographs (hide); tray, bed, toys, scratching post, return the remaining food and litter with all other props to an animal shelter or throw it away.
Share your grief and sadness with loved ones. Parents and friends are always on their child’s side and will not laugh at the “great loss.” You can cry in your vest on the cat breeders forum. Surely you can find similar cases there, hear the opinions and advice of people who have experienced similar things. Allow yourself the advice of a professional.
You can vent your emotions in the gym by beating up a mannequin. Kicking empty boxes, running until your muscles hurt. But don’t keep your emotions to yourself, otherwise they will destroy you from within.
Good, but time-bound advice is to get a new pet. There are nuances here. For example, you have not yet let go of thoughts about the previous animal, but the new one is not at all like it, it is annoying and does not cause a sinking feeling in your heart. This means the time has not come yet. Everyone is individual, but many take a period of about a year to accept and understand the death of a pet. The new pet should not replace the departed one. He needs education, affection, and habituation to a new home.
Organize an evening of remembrance for your former pet. The main goal is to tune in to positive thoughts, drive away feelings of guilt, and think about “blood on your hands” from the euthanasia procedure. You can gather all family members and remember funny stories from life related to the cat, you can take out photos of them together or look through an album. If the cat was buried in a specific place or there is simply a place associated with it with memories, visit there too.